when i was born, i came out feet first. my brother came out the right way, his blue eyes and blond hair slipping into the world before the rest of his body. but i was a breech birth, a scrawny little thing that shrieked as i was slid out of my mother’s womb the wrong way. i like to think that’s why i didn’t share the particular perception and conditioned way of thinking that everyone but me seemed to possess on dandis.

<br><br>

dandis was idyllic. there was an air of serenity that every other place i have visited lacked. during the awakening, dandis was lush with greenery, flowers creeping over the hills, the oceans lapping softly at the shore. even the tempest was gorgeous, sheets of rain plummeting down in iridescent streaks, breathing life into our world. the inhabitants were peaceful as well. virtually no crime, everyone smiling pleasantly, chatter thriving quietly in our tight community. as a politician’s daughter, i received one of the best educations anyone could hope for, and i spent most of my childhood in a haze of decadence and luxury, though i became bored quite easily. when my brother was killed, it was like someone had yanked the gauzy veils we wore during eventide off my face, and i could see clearly for the first time, my ignorance gone. i began to distance myself after realizing dandis’ beauty was a facade, for something darker underneath. corruption, everywhere. including my own father.

<br><br>

i left after he was shot in the head, right in front of me, hiding away in one of the compartments in the assassin's ship. and, with my father’s blood still cooling on my left cheek, i killed for the first time.

<br><br>

jesep was such a stark contrast to dandis. it was gritty, leering at me, a planet of sin and crime. but it thrilled me. the darkness did not lurk underneath anything; people bathed in it, exalted it. chaos and anarchy bubbled in every part of the planet, there were no morals, no rules, no standards of any kind. it was kill or be kidnapped, tortured, and finally killed. i thrived there, eventually becoming the self sufficient person i am today. i answer to no one, kill for everyone, trust only myself (and sometimes not even that.)

<br><br>

there is a twisted beauty to jesep. when i worked as a prostitute after i had arrived, one of my clients took me up to the roof after we had finished, and we traced constellations in the sky until we fell asleep. when i woke up the next day, pastel sky glowing, back aching, he was gone already.

<br><br>

i have blood on my hands but i’ve come to be at peace with it.

this war is a terrible, beautiful thing.