I never dwell on my time before the Navy. Whenever I have to, it's unpleasant and strange; dragging up painful memories that don't feel like they belong to me.

I've always just been too afraid to face that fact that they do. I've coped by never looking back, and glaring forwards. Now it seems that my time serving the Navy is suddenly over, I've realised that's an injustice to my family and the people i used to care about.

I've never written anything like this down before. The people i've talked to about my past I could count on my hand. Not that it's anything extraordinarily dark or special or bloody in this world. I just think it's been locked away long enough. It's starting to ache. 

I spent the first part of my childhood in the City of Songs. My parents were merchants, trading art and scrolls. They had me schooled at one of the best academies in the city. Bare in mind this was Chaessu. The extent of my education was singing and performing and being an artist in any way. That became pretty useless in later life.

Chaessu is a beautiful place. The cities are tall and carved and golden, surrounded by centuries of forests. The military presence, even when the strife of the civil war grew stronger, was non-existant. Perhaps that's why my parents became more b razen in their association with the rebels. They stopped trading finery altogether and started transporting weapons and supplies. My older b rothers joined pirate crews or left to work in the rebel outposts.

When I was twelve, my parents relocated us out of the city, to a rebel base being established deep in the forests. The idea was to keep safe, and it worked for a short time. I loved those few years. There were no rules and no regiment, and I was too young to work and too small to be of real use anyway. I had free run of the place. It was like a great construction site in the canopy. I used to get under people's feet and watch the airships come and go. The politics of the world meant nothing to me, even if I was in the middle of it all.

Until the fleet came, that is. Naval battleships and frigates set the forest alight during the night. The half-finished port village was torn down as ships burned and crashed above us. My mother told me to run. I tried.

I woke up and found myself one of many prisoners bound for Aeristrym, seperated from my parents. My b rothers had all been away during the attack. I havent heard of any of them since.

Though I barely remember the journey, the terrifying fortnight I then spent in the capital is vivid. I was lost and alone with prisoners i didn't recognise, being transferred from holding to holding, assessed and interrogated and intimidated every step of the way.

I was informed by the guard that took me to my parents' cell that it was their last request that they see me. They simply told me to be strong whatever happened to me. They had confessed to treason. I didn't know how much time they had left. I didn't see it and I didn't hear the gunshots from the courtyard. The clang of the cell door slamming after I left was enough to force me to understand.

I was sixteen, just old enough to serve. So I wasn't kept in Aeristrym for much longer. The children of criminals are often misplaced into the navy, and that's exactly what happened to me. I was conscripted into five years of service and assigned to the Boneshaker.

My family was dead and the life I knew was in tatters. I was almost grateful to be given any purpose. Though I was entirely miserable and hating, I didn't cry for long. I had to learn fast aboard the ship - suddenly I was looking after myself on a war vessel that was either attacked or led an attack every other week. On the opposite side of the war to the one I grew up on. However, that meant next to nothing to me. It just taught me how pointless it all was. I was never inspired about the matters I was fighting over. I hardly cared. I just did as I was told.

Navy vessels were often the home of the Empress' assassins. It was a convenient arrangement for both them and the ships. The assassin aboard the Boneshaker needed a new apprentice and I was chosen. When I stubbornly asked why, he said I was quiet enough, smart enough and angry enough. Fine by me.

I moved up in rank from cabin girl soon after I started that training. I gather the captain wasn't comfortable with an agent in his cabin crew. I joined the riggers. 

It was around that time I met Olivia. It was a relief to find somebody even slightly similar to me and we became friends. The next couple of years were hard and violent, but at the same time offered me a place in the world. I was trained in how to stay unnoticed and kill quietly, and worked with the rigging team to steer the ship. The war path the Boneshaker left in its wake became normality. 

WIP