I remember when you were posting about this and I was wondering, worried, what had you so torn apart. But I was afraid of asking, for fear of being nosy. When I learned what had happened, I wished I could find some words of comfort, anything that would help you. But sadly, then, I could not. Throughout this loss, I've watched you suffer, wishing beyond anything that I could help...
But at this time of year, the words I needed to say before came to me. Eight years ago on December 23rd, my grandmother passed away. I was very close to her and I cared for her deeply. When I recieved the news, I was destroyed. I didn't know how I would go on without her. Eight years on, it's still very hard for me to accept that she's gone...moreso around this time, not only because it's when she died, but Christmas was HER holiday. She always went all out for it and my most memorable Christmases were with her. Eight years on, it still feels like she only recently passed. I actually had to ask my mom how long it's been, because it certainly doesn't feel like eight years...not even close.
In some ways, I completely understand your pain and I know how it feels, but in so many others, I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm not going to pretend I know what it's like, because this pain is different for everyone.
I also know and respect your stance on the idea of a higher power. But no matter what we believe, when we lose someone we love, we must think of them being in a better place, free from their suffering that they had to endure for however long they fought to stay here...and as I said on your doll, they will always be close, in our hearts. You can always find them there, no matter what. Don't think about their last days, full of pain and strife, but reflect on the happier times and the best memories...in doing this, you will never truly lose them.
I apologize if some of this is jumbled, I'm afraid that outside of stories, I don't have a gift with words...I also apologize if this wasn't my place, I just very much wanted to help you somehow, remembering how sharp and crushing this pain can be. Please know that I am here if you need me. We are all here for you and you will never be alone in your sadness. We're all here with hugs and love, should you ever have need of it <3 |